Part 1: Living

(A warning/guide/informational piece on anyone who has hopes of living with me)

• My schedule changes a lot. Some weeks I may stay up all night and sleep late, while others I may go to bed moderately early and wake up moderately early. (By moderately early, I mean 11-1am bedtime, 9-10:30am wake up time)

• Sometimes I am grumpy and quiet in the morning. I tend to be in a better mood, feel more exictable/enthusastic, and less lazy in the evening hours.

• I have social anxiety. If I am not used to living with you/being around you for long periods of time, then I will take some time to get used to you. It doesn’t matter if you’re my best friend ever and we love each other to pieces; I will still take time because I am not used to your near constant physical company. This means that I will be nervous/reluctant to do things around you… this goes for eating, cleaning, and just general activities.

• To go along with this, I do not like to order food or speak on the phone to someone I don’t know.. If you want me to do these things, you’ll have to be patient with me.

• Warn me when people I do not know (very well) are coming over. Strangers mean that I’ll revert to the two stages above. If you want to be super nice, help me out when strangers are here. This doesn’t mean that I can’t be introduced, but don’t expect me to give much into a conversation or do things I regularly do around them.

• Do NOT try and make me change/over-come my social anxiety. It doens’t work like that. You cannot shove me into a crowded living room of strangers and expect me to suddenly “face my fears” and over-come them. This is a real disorder, it does not just go away in a snap like that. Don’t push me. I am trying (and will continue to try) to get over this on my own/work with it better and if you want to help a little, awesome. But do not push or boss me around or force me to do things I do not want to do. That will just piss me off.

• If you want me to do something, do not yell at me about it or make it sound like an order. As immature as this will sound: I do not enjoy being bossed around and if someone orders me to do something, my first instinct is to stubbornly refuse. If you want me to do a chore or something, just ask me.

• I have lived with both extremely messy people and extremely clean people. I am somewhere inbetween. I expect chores to be done and for the house to be in order. You can have your room however you like, of course, but I will expect us to share chores. Dishes need to be washed every evening and/or morning. If you have cats, their cat boxes need to be cleaned every other day and their area kept tidy (I hate litter all over the floor, drives me mad.) Clothes need to be put away, the place just needs to be neat. We can either take turns doing these various chores, or we can split them up. Either way, I need some form of cleanliness. This doens’t mean I’m a completely mad person who will snap at you for getting mud on the floor. No no no, I just do not want to live in a huge mess. It also does not mean that I can’t be messy, because I can be but I clean up after myself and I expect you to as well.

• If I mention that you need to do your chores, do not snap at me. You know who you’re living with. Snapping at me will either annoy me or hurt my feelings or both.

• If you’re an extremely clean person who gets crazy about tiny messes, then we may not be the best roommates. I don’t like being nagged or snarled at or glowered at because I got some glitter on the floor. Either get over it, or find another roommate.

• I recycle. I try to reduce energy use. If you’re someone who tends to leave water running and wander off or keep lights on, get used to me turning the faucets and lights off when they’re not being used.

• Don’t try to annoy me/anger me just for the luls. It isn’t cute, and it isn’t funny except to you. Don’t block my way, don’t restrain me, don’t pull me away from what I’m doing, don’t take away my stuff, don’t shove me. It isn’t cute. I don’t mind being teased, a little joking, but when I say to stop: I MEAN IT. Annoying me on purpose will stress me out because I can’t always tell when you’re joking.

• I don’t like dark houses… You’re welcome to have your room any way you like, of course, and we should agree upon the living room and the other communal rooms… But I tend to like dim lighting when it gets dark: fairy lights, candles, something that will ensure the place isn’t nearly pitch black. If you don’t like this, then we’ll probably have a slight problem.

• I don’t want to be touched when I’m angry. If I’m pissed off at you and you try to hug me, I will not like it. The most I can tolerate is you touching my hand or maybe my arm. Nothing more. I will invite you to touch when I feel better.

• I like cats. I usually always have a cat as a companion. If you don’t like cats, either deal with it or don’t live with me. That being said, I do not like dogs or birds as companions. They’re noisy and messy and dogs tend to smell. I can probably handle a small cat-friendly dog, but if you’re someone who wants to have giant dogs then we probably shouldn’t live together unless you plan to keep your dog(s) in your room. (But I think that is unkind if they’re large, so most likely if you need a huge dog in your life, you should find another roommate.)

• I don’t like being lurked. If you’re looking over my shoulder constantly at what I’m doing, it gets annoying. I’ll probably give you a look like O_o. If I don’t then I don’t mind.

• I also do not always like being clung to/touched. I am affectionate, I enjoy physical contact, but sometimes I don’t. I will squirm away from you or stiffen if I don’t want to be touched.

• I also don’t like upsetting people and will most likely keep these things to myself. This is not your problem, but expect it to happen. I will try to get over it. Asking me things like, “Is this bothering you?” is helpful.

• I am a vegetarian. I don’t care if you are too, if you’re vegan, or if you eat meat. I am not going to nag you not eating meat and I expect you not to nag ME about becoming a vegan/meat eater.

• If you have a problem with me, are upset about something, you can tell me. We can discuss it so that I can change my habit or apologize or try and fix the problem.

• If I mention that something you did is bothering me or that I don’t want to be touched right now, please do not sulk. I know you can’t help getting upset, but know that me telling you what bothered me is me trying to make things better so it does not happen again and we have less fights/arguments. If I don’t want to be touched or if I need my alone time, it isn’t personal. That is just who I am: I need alone time sometimes. It isn’t because I don’t like you or enjoy your company, so don’t think that I suddenly don’t love you or something. Sulking will just make me feel really guilty and reluctant to tell you the next time, which in the end will make me unhappy and resentful.

• Don’t borrow/use my stuff without asking. It annoys me. If we’re close, then I’ll most likely tell you that you can use/borrow whatever you want but if I have not said that, its best to just ask first. I most likely won’t mind. Its just that if you don’t ask, I’ll think its rude and I’ll get annoyed.

• I like physical contact. These things relax me: playing with my hair, stroking my palm/wrist/inner arm, running your fingertips along my skin, anywhere.

• I don’t usually do breakfast. If I’m eating at all, its usually dinner and sometimes lunch.

• I do not think that hand holding, cuddling, or sleeping in the same bed is necessarily intimate or sexual. If I do one of these things with you, do not jump to conclusions. If you don’t like it, just let me know and I won’t do it again.

• Spiders scare me. Yes, even the harmless ones. Please put them outside for me.

• DO NOT DISCIPLINE MY CAT. Yelling at her is not okay. Squirting her with water is not okay. Putting her in a time-out cage is not okay. Flicking her is not okay. Picking her up and yelling/scolding her in the face is not okay. Do not do it, we will have a huge issue. Pandora is an extremely sweet cat. She likes other cats and she likes people. If she is doing something that is against the rules, or something that you personally do not like, then say “no” and put her down, or snap at her and say no. Put her down. Anything else should be run by me first.

• I like incense. I will open a window, don’t worry.

• I need quiet time to meditate. If I tell you that I’m going to go and meditate, do not disturb me. I need silence.

• I don’t like being watched while I exercise. Sometimes I am okay with this, but I usually have to be very, very familiar with you. This can take months and months, sometimes years.

• I like doing laundry. If you don’t feel like doing your own, I won’t mind doing it.   

• Yes, I really do want/need that many cloaks.